would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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