Yo dont text me then not text me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
