i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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