life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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