the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
