first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
