dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
