I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
