Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
