ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
did i just pee glitter
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
