So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
