I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
