I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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