Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
