I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
