made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
