1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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