i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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