i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
