i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
