Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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