Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
