i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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