Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
