thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
