soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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