There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
