No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Boobs are out for the taking
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
