Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
