The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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