she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
