Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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