I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
