your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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