I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Pants are for mortals
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
