I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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