this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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