id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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