I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
