first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
