Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
