Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
