Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
