Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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