I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
