YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
