Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
