No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
