Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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