i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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