Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
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If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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