Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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