Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
