we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
