Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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