I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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