boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
