maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.