Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

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  (814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around http://tfl.nu/xsf6
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.

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  (757): Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing. http://tfl.nu/8x8y
  Replies (35) Good night (4571) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.

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  (760): Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin. http://tfl.nu/jqr4
  Replies (22) Good night (538) Bad night (5076) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.

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  (925): Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend. http://tfl.nu/f39g
  Replies (35) Good night (3483) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."

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  (401): We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this." http://tfl.nu/1p18
  Replies (15) Good night (3915) Bad night (4750) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  I didn't know people actually cried after sex.

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  (951): I didn't know people actually cried after sex. http://tfl.nu/mss1
  Replies (25) Good night (937) Bad night (7285) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?

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  (303): What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil? http://tfl.nu/rel9
  Replies (22) Good night (4950) Bad night (1322) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  It smells like ranch

  (925): View more from California

  Must be all the white people

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  (925): It smells like ranch (925): Must be all the white people http://tfl.nu/51vw
  Replies (52) Good night (5372) Bad night (1772)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.

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  (716): He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready. http://tfl.nu/z83a
  Replies (9) Good night (4802) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think the doormans mad at me

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...

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  (630): i think the doormans mad at me (773): well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while... http://tfl.nu/017x
  Replies (12) Good night (1147) Bad night (2400)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.

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  (734): i seriously wanted to pee on her right then. http://tfl.nu/4s0s
  Replies (15) Good night (1665) Bad night (2395) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.

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  (562): I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me. http://tfl.nu/m5b0
  Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (956)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?

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  (912): Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever? http://tfl.nu/koc4
  Replies (9) Good night (1284) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.

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  (604): We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex. http://tfl.nu/otis
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (927)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.

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  (630): like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ihww
  Replies (7) Good night (139) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt

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