her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head