I just threw up on my dentist
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
