Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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