She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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