I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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