you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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