I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
