It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
