Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
