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I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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