i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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