you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
