i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
