I got chris browned last night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
