Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
