Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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